274. Train Rain Delay

I’d been underground for an hour …  it seems the D train has decided to migrate its way at a snails pace towards soho. I had no way of communicating with work to tell them where I was or when I might expect to arrive.

For minutes at a time we sat at a standstill in the confines of a dark tunnel. And as the walls seemed to draw closer and the air got thicker I could almost feel everyone physically tense…I was waiting for the C.H.U.Ds* to make their move.

My mind wandered to worst possible scenarios, as one’s mind would start to wander pressed up against unknown strangers with no plausible route of escape. As a person with pessimistic tendencies, I am labeled a cynic. But I’m sure I’m not the only person, especially in New York City, with a hardened interior. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and blame over exposure to EVERYONE’s craziness on my overactive imagination.

My roommate, we’ll call her Summer. Summer and I were watching last weeks Smash and she turned to me and asked, “If something happened to me, how do you think everyone would find out?”

“I guess either your parents and then they would tell us? Do they even have our numbers?” I rambled.

“I mean, is that something you think about?” Summer asked.

To be honest, I have thought about it often especially recently, but not for me. Now that the motorcycle is out I think every other call that’s not yoü is bad news. But this morning I stood  amongst the other urbanites who would be late for work; what happened if because it rained so much the whole tunnel flooded and we were all trapped like third class on the Titanic? Or if the rails got wet and we were all instantly electrocuted? How would authorities sift through dental records of so many people? And how would anyone find out where I was trapped?

These were the thoughts that started my day. Odd.

Moral of my morbid story?  The end may be near.

Tell all you love them just incase something crazy happens or you get eaten alive by the subway dwelling albinos.

* Canabalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers

273. Separate Ways: A Lover’s Duet

Clothes and socks and blazers hang about my room all not mine. Yoür things remain, but yoü are gone.

What a week it’s been! A great week, a fantastic week!!!

Sunday he flew to my window and crept in with the morning. As silent as a shadow, my star catcher kissed me, but I had already been awake. At 8:33 am I woke up with no alarm, to no dream, but my heart was racing. A half an hour later he was cuddled up in my arms. His flight was supposed to land at 9. “Yoü are only supposed to be landing now! How did yoü get here so fast and when did you land?” I asked.

“8:33.” He said.

?

And for a week I’ve been trying to wrap my head around this silly number, this odd coincidence, this moment of emotional instinct … my heart woke with excitement the moment the wheels touched down. There must be some supernatural connection between yoü & I.

After spending time within the NY time warp, we walked around the upper West side and purchased razors and hot dogs and sang to each other on a bench outside Central Park. Then grocery shopping three times and family meals and games and wine night: day one. There is no one I’d rather be zaborized with than yoü. And than to work for the rest of the week. What was crazy about work was that, while the time at my desk passed slowly, I got soooo much work done. So much work done that I was out at a….decent hour?!?! I know, the concept still boggles my mind. But I won’t complain about that, more time spent with yoü.

Tuesday was the most important day: yoür Broadway callback! I am so proud of yoü and whether this is the moment for dreams to come true or just one “no” closer to yoür “yes”…I believe in yoü 150,000%! Yoü are talented and wonderful and favor will come yoür way!!! Tuesday I also came home to a most beautiful gift.

Dream come true!

I love yoü.

If anyone ever needs to know what to get me as a gift there is one person to ask … my bear! She knows exactly what I want and for almost a year now, I’ve looked at this ring and now I have it! Every girl squeals at the special shade of Tiffany Blue and when he pulled out the tiny bag and delicately wrapped box from behind his back my eyes grew like the Grinch’s heart. The next day all of my interns were so happy for me, cause when mama’s happy everyone is happy! And we got out early again.

Thursday was our big night of theater. We saw Peter and the Starcatcher and then rocked out so hard at karaoke. The show was amazing and imaginative and beautiful! The perfect prequel to Peter Pan.

Dumplings

And Friday: the day of yoür ultimate hangover was another great day, headache aside, because we walked around all of lower Manhattan after I got out of work early. I found my favorite little ori-pei puppy and Big Gay Ice Cream (which ended up being Big Gay letdown, NOT gay enough), and many dumplings here and there.

Handmade Dumplings at Dumpling Man

Tiny Not So Gay Ice Cream … with a mascot like this I am expecting a lot more!

 

My BABY!!!!!

The weekend and week passed too quickly and here I am wrapping myself in pillows to mimic your big spoon. I’m praying for good news so yoü can return to me as quickly as possible. I love yoü.

272. My Anti-Anxiety Cure

Red Wine

Another long, hard day … LET ME TELL YOU, I could use something long and hard and how about it’s NOT my day! The grind again, y’all. What’s new other than trying to keep up your A-game?

SABOTAGE. People are out there! And they are trying to cut you down like the rainforest, y’all! And the only thing you can do is be your best. That is super hard when people are throwing shit and shade in your direction.

What do you do? Readers, consider this an open discussion, please comment. When the haters are doing their usual hating … what do you do: buy a bottle of wine for dinner? Cry in the bathroom? Fight back? Talk back?

271. “The Power Blows …”

What does a girl have to do to finish watching Saving Private Ryan at an indecent hour on a week night?!

The Baby Cast … look how young everyone is!

Just a few moments ago, during one of the many theatrically tense scenes (staring everyone younger and 15 pounds lighter), the cable goes. Thanks for deciding to reboot the system while Woody was in the middle of finding Will Hunting! UGH!

It’s been a while, Readers. I haven’t written in a VERY long time. Why? Well, there was nothing really to talk about but the daily grind. I mean how many ways can a girl phrase: “work sucks … relationships are complicated … I should be doing something different with my life”… you know, before it gets monotonous?

There have been many changes in these past few weeks at work, and while I’m actually starting to MAYBE get a grip, some of my my favorite people keep moving on. So maybe it’s my time. And maybe it’s high time to kick it into gear. My mother sent me a motivational email this morning about NYC auditions that I could/should be attending. Her words, “If I can navigate the internet to find 366 auditions in the month of April, you not doing anything is inexcusable!” Well, shit, mom! You get it!!! I love that she believes in me so much. As an artist (or wannabe artist, what does your Grandma call us June?) I find it difficult to find courage in my talent and myself. NEWS FLASH: I’m insecure too, James. It’s okay, people, there is no need to be on suicide watch, but here I am admitting humanity and saying I have feelings, sometimes too many all at once, and I’m scared about putting myself out there. So what do I do now? Stay in my work cave with no more friends and live out the rest of my days playing the Smash songs over and over again and humming to myself in the elevator? No!

Spring has sprung y’all and it is time for a rebirth! Easter was a few weeks ago and if any story is about rising from the ashes and starting anew, well it’s that one! I’m looking for jobs and looking at auditions and right now I’m just really scared. I’m scared to audition, about not being prepared for an audition, how to audition, how to get a new job so I CAN audition. It’s a complicated process and so far I can’t seem to put one foot in front of the other just to find footing for step one.

270. Erin Go Home

I escaped the city to avoid the holiday, this silly day in celebration of Ireland’s patron saint, that has been desecrated with binge drinking and an all time high of amateur hour. Last year I was headed to work at 9:30 am where a girl was already yakking her innards out in the subway. Ummmmm … No.

Now I am the first to admit that when I go out I go out hard. I’ve gotten lost many a time, made an ass of myself on a NYC stage a couple of times, fallen, cried, peed, lost my wallet, lost my phone, dropped my phone in a toilet, slapped my boyfriend, kissed a girl, kissed everyone and once I even came to at a McDonalds with a group of Latino girls who eventually found me my roommates. All not moments I’m not most proud of.

So this year I escaped to my aunt’s to instead binge on rye bread and corned beef and cabbage. Mmmmm. Delicious.

Lucky Charms anyone?

Even still on the train home now, I’m surrounded by idiots. It seems on this day (see also Cinco de Mayo) all of the world’s classiest people come out (please note the obvious sarcasm as I type) and get rowdy and rude and sloppy and loud. It’s an excuse for the bros of the tristate to infest the world with their Kelly green and their Bud Light and vom in inappropriate public areas. Go home, you sloppy folks, we all work tomorrow!

269. The Wrong D

Today’s lesson is brought to you by the letter D.

A lesson in Patience:  On my return home from a restful weekend away, Sunday evening I stepped onto a C train arriving on the A track, my broken laundry bag in tow. At 42nd street we stopped and across the platform was a D.

We love the D. (Insert all D jokes here …. Including that one.) But Sunday, the D steered me wrong. It went local. And the C went express. I sat in frustrated silence as I watched the C train zoom past.

Call me Veruca Salt: I want it all and I want it all now. I want fancy pans and adult Tupperware and people to live out here that say they’re going to live out here.

Sometimes I find it difficult to step back and clear my mind of all thoughts … even in restorative yoga today I thought of rent prices and pay check budgeting in lou of meditation and intentions. But that was the first step on the path to patience, my first yoga class in a long while! I am trying.

 

– Any suggestions, Readers, on how one can practice patience?

268. I’m Not Ready To Be a MOM!

No it’s not what you think … I can’t have chilen’s for at least another 9 years (thank you modern medicine/black magic), but I have realized today that my interns at work are my kids and talking to them is just like how a mother speaks to her toddler.

If I have to explain something ONE MORE TIME or repeat myself or directions for the umpteenth time … I might yell, but unfortunately I now have laryngitis.  :(

I came to this conclusion while I ran into the bathroom for my one quiet moment of peace, very mom-ish. No matter what you say children won’t listen … I just hope my interns become grown ups soon.